Come, Thou Tortoise (Jessica Grant)

What an adorable story. And adorable not in the sense ‘Awe how cute that she has a tortoise and the tortoise is also a narrator (only about 5% of the book but still), But cute in a way that she is a 24 year old woman (but kind like a 6 year old who since she was born on a leap year and also has a below average IQ she is not dissimilar to that of a child) but we don’t really know that until the middle and at that point it was just encased in a memory Audrey has of her and her father.

The innocence and sincerity along with her vulnerability makes it such a bittersweet read. You see the world through her eyes and how fascinating it is and how easily it can be mixed up. There’s a lot of wordplay that keeps the reader on her toes.  I love Audrey and can relate to her love for her father. His presence in the book is only known from Audrey’s memories since from the very beginning he is in a coma.  It opens with Audrey flying back  to Canada (her childhood home) from Oregon where she had since moved. She leaves her tortoise, Winnifred, with friends and travels with hope to give a speech to her dad believing that if she were to talk to him from her heart at his bedside it would make him wake up. Unfortunately (and this is all within the first pages) he has died and she is then left with her old house (with the door only being opened with a Northwest Shove, her uncle Thoby who had lived with him, and her old mouse Wedge that she believes has been alive for 20 years since she first got him as a pet. (Her dad was a scientist specializing in making life last forever so she believes that the mouse has longevity).

The novel unfolds in short chapters flowing back and forth between when she was a child to the present time as she comes to cope with the loss of her father and also the search for her mouse that has gone missing and a tandem search for her uncle who also goes missing.  There is a little love story too but I won’t give that away.  I love how the story is slightly off beat. Point A does not necessarily connect directly to point B and that makes it charming. But it’s not so off track that you get lost. Grant knew exactly what she was doing when she wrote the book. Also note that it might take getting used to the style because there are no quotation marks and also no question marks. The writing is beautiful. You know exactly how each sentence is to be inferred. And the wordplay will make language junkies giggle.

And if you want to read it but can't find it in the library just let me know, I have a copy.  It’s Canadian and has won the Glob&Mail Best Book Award!!

This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. For Young and Old Alike. (Augusten Burroughs)

 What do you do when you're thirsty? Most people get a drink. Simple enough. But what if you didn't know what to drink? Or you were tired of the same thing or you just wanted something different? You could grab a soda or juice or go for one of those energy drinks or something with guava or pomogranate or b vitamins or acai or whatever else trendy thing the world is telling us to drink. But what if you said to yourself, I'm thirsty and a voice came from out of nowhere and suggested water. Out of the tap. After all, it's cool, and readily available, does the job and it's free. Nah, I don't want water, you think to yourself. It's plain and boring and way too easy.

That's what this book is like to me. It's the simplest of advice to live by that we usually ignore because it's just too basic or obvious. There is no magic here, folks. Just a good old fashioned slap in the face that you needed to get your perspective straight. And no one is above a good perspective straightening-ing. This book rocks, it's epic and it needs to be read. By everyone. Becuase if you think you're perfect YOU Are NOT!!! but that's okay, because if we were I think the planet would explode or something. And besides, imperfection is vastly underrated and it's what makes us unique.

This book is written but a guy who on paper would seem unfit to give advice. He has no official credentials.
But what he does have is experience and a gift to put this thoughts on paper. He doesn't sugar coat anything and the essays on what I feel are the major issues in people's lives are put so succinctly- there is no filler or flattery or curly--q's to distract you. It's just what he's learned and it's going to make you think. Hard. You might not like what he has to say because sometimes (or most of the time) the truth hurts. But as much as it may spoil your rosy colored view of your life (which is probably just denial anyway) it's going to cleanse you and let you start from a truthful honest and healthier place. You only have one life and it's a waste to think you can't benefit from some words of wisdom- and that's what this book is, all words of wisdom. If anything, read the chapter on confidence. That's worth it's weight just in that essay. And it's free if you get it from your library :)
If you're unsure of the book, check out the link to a youtube short video of the author and his audience (and see how appreciative they are of what he has given to them in words) Just be prepared for a few not so PG words.

Augusten Burroughs Fixes Your Brain with "This is How" on SiriusXM [EXPLICIT] - YouTube

Augusten Burroughs Fixes Your Brain with "This is How" on SiriusXM [EXPLICIT] - YouTube

I SUCK AT GIRLS (justin Halpern)

If you read Sh*t My Dad Says and liked it you will have no choice but to love this one; a follow up of sorts where the author, Justin, takes on the next phase of his life: Marriage, or the proposal of marriage. And of course, what his father thinks of it. And his father, as in the first one, is the star of the book despite sort of fading out in the middle as Justin recounts his experiences with the fairer sex. These experiences amounting to the realization that he’s no good with girls and proceeds to tell you why. Making appearances throughout is the man with the wit and mouth of steel. There is no shying away from making proclamations of the colorful. If you can imagine, the swearing is completely appropriate- enhancing even. (If you have seen That 70’s Show, think Red Forman, the father in the show.)There’s not much more to say about the book since it is rather short but a hilarious reprieve if you’re a serious reader and need something lighthearted to give yourself a break.

IN ONE PERSON (John Irving)

Okay. This is an Irving novel so I need to adjust my first reaction upon putting the book down. I have to be honest in that if it were written by any other writer I probably wouldn't have made it halfway through. I completed this (I do have that guilt complex where I feel bad about not finishing books once I start, and since we only have so much time in life I am working on that... but I'm wasting said time in this side thought so I'll stop that). Anyway, the book. It is quintessential Irving style of writing. We have our usual protagonist who is your everyman and is surrounded by your cast of supporting characters who each have their quirks. They each have their own back story and you find out as much about them as if they were the star of the novel, which in a way they are. An Irving book is a layered affair that I fell in love with beginning with The Cider House Rules followed by Prayer for Owen Meany, The World According to Garp, and A Widow for One Year (I’ve started a few others but I tend to only be able to handle one Irving a year- his stories are epic tomes). I truly do love his style, but for some reason this book was disappointing. The writing was there but the story kind of sucked. There I said it. I thought it was beneath this grand storyteller. And it’s not because of the subject- I liked that he dealt head-on with transsexuals and gay and bi-sexual people, that was cool to delve into that. Maybe a little repetitive in all things penis-oriented, but the overall theme of how to live as a gay person or a person who likes to dress up in the opposite genders clothing and blend in and not get beat up or discriminated against, despite it being entertaining kind of fell short. I felt like it just lagged on. There were a few ingredients missing. We follow the life of Bill Abbott from youngster-hood to late life as he figures out who he is and what he believes to be important in life but instead of rolling along and handing out gems of sparkling philosophy it meanders and splats on the page. That being said I'm glad I read it because if I didn't it would be sitting on my conscience. After all, when you’re a fan of a writer you look forward to everything they write. Unfortunately for this one the anticipation was more fun than the book So, fans of Irving, you might as well read it; it is still a more enjoyable book than a lot of others (in my opinion). You won't be let down by the Irving-ness of it and who knows, you might even love it.

THE TRUTH ABOUT MELODY BROWNE (Lisa Jewell)

If you enjoy chick lit, this is a good one. But it's not your everyday light and fluffy read; in fact it goes into deeper issues the further you get into the story and, like many of the books I like, a lot has to do with the protagonist's childhood.Melody Browne is a 33 year old woman raising her 17 year old son and living her life as a lunch lady in England (the author is British). Everything is cool until Melody goes on a date with a man to a hypnotist and she is chosen to go on stage and become a 5 year old. She ends up from that point on having these intense memories of when she was five, and then six and seven. She had up until that point had no recollection of her childhood before 9 years old, at which point there was a fire and all her possessions were burnt up and, for some reason (very interesting reasons, actually), her memories. Throughout the book you are given snapshots of life of a young Melody and then back to the present time. It's done very well . Her parents, she knew, weren't her true parents and bit by bit you see how she came to live with different people and how the alleged parents, who thought they were doing a good thing, actually weren'tWithout giving anything away, just know that the life Melody had suppressed was bittersweet. You get to see how something that seemed abnormal and disapproved of may have actually been fine. To each their own. You see how parenting, even if by a motley crew that you meet in the book, doesn't necessarily have to be from your biological parents. It could be a guy who runs a commune, a crazy aunt or two and some other children in tow. Lisa Jewell has written several good novels geared towards women but have been compared to Nick Hornby and Helen Fielding. Ralph's Party was my favorite and has been heralded as being a guy book, too.

LULLABIES FOR LITTLE CRIMINALS (Heather O'Neill)

I love books about childhoods. I love young narrators that tell it how it is. This is very difficult to do because so many books that are told through the eyes of a child are told in a very awkward, awful way that only causes me frustration at how unnatural it sounds. Few are done in a way that makes you want to keep turning pages and laugh and feel and take in that voice that you might relate to, but even if you don’t relate you get lost in a young person’s perspective and you remember what’s it like to go back to that innocent and pure state of mind where you’re observing your life and trying to make sense of it all; and then in this book you throw in a dysfunctional adult or two and it becomes a rollercoaster ride. This tale takes place in Canada, mostly in Montreal. It’s the story of a 12 year old girl named Baby who was born to young parents and ends up living with her dad (her mother dies before Baby can remember her), who at age 27 doesn’t seem to have a clue how to be a father, but the reader (I wager this because it’s how I felt) sympathizes with him despite his bad decisions and drug habits. Baby is the narrator, so you see what she sees and feel what she feels when her father comes home high (mostly ambivalent at first but she ends up preferring him that way), and you’re following along her stream of consciousness and just know that the girl is quirky, but that’s the part I most appreciated about the story. I loved how just a hint of off-beat thoughts filtered throughout the story and how you can pick these little gems of a 12 year olds unvarnished philosophy of life, for example: People give you a hard time about being a kid at twelve. They didn't want to give you Halloween candy anymore. They said things like, "If this were the Middle Ages, you'd be married and you'd own a farm with about a million chickens on it." They were trying to kick you out of childhood. Once you were gone, there was no going back, so you had to hold on as long as you could.” –Baby from Heather O’Neill’s, Lullabies for Little Criminals.Baby is taken away a few times when her father succumbs to sickness in his lungs (I forget what it was) and she goes into a foster home and then later on a detention center for kids. She dates a pimp and essentially becomes a prostitute, but as the reader you understand that that’s not what the book is about. These horrendous circumstances are present for this girl's life and you probably think, man this sucks a lot for her, but it’s the writing that gets you. The cleverness of it and how deep you go into the psyche of this preadolescent, highly likeable character. I couldn’t put it down and even though there wasn’t a classic plot it made me appreciate the story that much more. I loved the strength of Baby and the way she thinks and how she deals with each setback. It’s just one thread of how a life can be played out when the nuclear family isn’t what you get and how badly a girl can need a mother in her life and yet still survive with a less than stellar dad.